Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
