I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize