If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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