I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I just put wine in my tea
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
