But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
