So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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