One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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