No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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