guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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