I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
