My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
