He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
