i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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