Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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