Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm both gender and math confused
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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