That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
