is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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