I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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