Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
