mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
