Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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