I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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