idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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