conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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