she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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