I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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