I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
