I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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