i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
