I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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