I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
