This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
