I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I stole a fireplace last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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