i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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