Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize