Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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