I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
