your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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