took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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