Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
