My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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