had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
