At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize