in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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