You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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