I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
