that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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