No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
