My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
