suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My vagina just clenched in fear
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
