am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
