fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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