We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
