He had one of those small greek statue penises
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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