That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
