you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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