Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
