she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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