i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
