found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
