It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
