You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
