I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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