your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
