Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
