Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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