dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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