So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
