I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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